Sir Maku

the pantless, horseless knight ;)
And no, this wasn't his Halloween costume. I still have to post those. :)
We spent Thanksgiving with my brother-in-law's family. Maku ate so much turkey, he earned a piece of the gizzard. When asked what he was chewing on, he replied, "I think I am chewing on the turkey's nose." Yep, chewing on gizzard is much like chewing on a human nose. Nice.

a recipe

My appetite is back and I've been feeling hungry all the time. Instead of eating wildly and gaining back all the weight I've lost, I'll just post a recipe to hopefully get my food fix. ;)
Here's a family favorite. The veggie dish is my super-mega-ultra vegan sister's recipe.

Sauteed Mushrooms
Saute chopped garlic in olive oil.
Add sliced mushrooms.
A little bit of black pepper.
Done!

Veggies with some Indian spices
Toast about a tablespoon of cumin seeds in olive oil.
When seeds are looking somewhat burnt, add some turmeric, garam masala and whatever Indian spices you may have sitting on your shelf. Mix. Mix.
When it starts to look pasty, add chopped, unpeeled red potatoes.
When potatoes are tender, add chopped cauliflower, some peas and whatever veggies you have in your kitchen.
Simmer until the aroma makes you so hungry you cannot take it anymore.

some kind of pinocchio

Yesterday was one of those days when it seemed like the whole day was spent driving the children around town. Almost always one of them manages to make the ride a little exciting.
"Mom! What am I going to do?!? Oh no, I am going to be like this forever."
I glanced at the rearview mirror.
"Okay, calm down. I'll get it unstuck as soon as we get off the car. But I have to take a picture first."

a sunny autumn day

where a quick dip in freezing water leads to a game of barefoot tennis

and a tennis match leads to fetching balls over fences

and fetching leads to this:

A FENCE RACE!!!

GO! GO! GO!

bean lucky

Living in a little cottage perfectly fit for the three of us. Affordable yet cozy :)
Greeted every morning with snuggles and giggles from two adorable little ones.
Loose fitting size 00 clothes to match very good hair days.
A late evening phone call from an amazingly handsome surgeon (it's nothing really, well, not yet...but still...)
Life has not been what I expected. I was surrounded by lucky beans...

I chose our last home with Dave for its small size, brick driveway, wood kitchen floors, and the lush backyard forest inhabited by squirrels, raccoons, and snakes. Later, to my surprise, it revealed a little secret -- an abundant supply of lucky beans.

I first saw these red and black beans when my sister gave me bean bracelets she brought home from Guatemala (or was it Peru? or Costa Rica?) about four years ago. I knew they were beans but had no idea they were lucky ;) I also had no idea they can be found here in Florida.

The children were instantly drawn by the brightly colored beans. They often gathered some from the forest and used them for play. They were scattered all over our home, in my car and occassionally one would find its way into our shoes.

Montauk Lighthouse, 1999 (little Snow in my tummy)
When Dave decided to break up the family back in June, I cursed the lucky beans. I did not bring a single one with me to Pennsylvania and when he took us back home in July, I cleared the house of these beans. I must've left a few in my car or the children must've snuck them into the house because that reconciliation lasted less than two months and now that we are finally separated, I have never felt luckier, happier, freer, safer. I am living once again.

He is in Norway right now visiting his girlfriend (the beans brought him some luck too). Before he left, he asked if I would be kind enough to put away his trashbins. My considerate nature agrees to everything, so I said yes. As I put away the bins, I noticed how the plants on the front yard have grown so I walked around the back to take a quick look at the other plants. Then I sat on one of the stone stools I put together for the children, mind empty, I stared into the forest.

Soon enough, the little specks of red on the ground caught my eye and I broke out in tears. Tears of relief and of joy, and of how lucky I am to love and be loved by so many people and to have the strength to re-invent myself and rebuild my life through a very painful and difficult experience. I slowly made my way into the forest, picking up one little bean at a time. I was drawn not by their bright colors but by the fantasy aspect of fate and fortune, of being alone in a forest collecting magical beans, and of entering my forties with a childlike soul.

I emerged out of the woods an hour later with dirt under my fingernails, twig-scratched arms, bug-bitten legs, and a pocketful of beans. :)

There's a lot of luck to go around. If you would like some just email me. But beware! Travel Africa says the beans contain poison that can paralyze or cause respiratory failure and this wikipedia link talks about death by a finger-prick! I did not know this until today. Thank goodness the children never attempted to crack or bite one open!
My search for lucky beans also led me to this wonderful blog. I have yet to post some Halloween pics, I"ll try to get that done before Thanksgiving. ^,^

it's that time of year again

I've just spent the entire week doing all sorts of Halloweeny. Our little cottage is decorated, local Halloween shops visited, and bookstore costume contest attended - Maku won first place and Snow was second. Tonight we are going to a Halloween Ball then finally to the most fun part - trick or treating. :)

potatoes and wheelies

...and what have the girls been up to these days?

making sacks of potatoes, peanuts and yams.

Maku is still doing this

and this ^_^

4 on 2 :)

Yes, Maku. We are all proud of you :)

a little stumble

...will be back up soon.

maybe with a picture of Maku's foot as Kate suggested :)

chickens for the soul

Maku still talks about roosters so we made one. Now Snow's hen is in love. We should be expecting plenty eggs soon.

a day at the aquarium

touching stingrays and picking up horseshoe crabs
manatee pooping in front of our faces
fun at the gift shop
and panic when our Georgie fell by the shark tank

bowls of soup

...for sore little throats and runny little noses.

there was also a mama bowl without the noodles.

two heads and a foot

We didn't give them any names. Maku, however, has named his left foot Rooster.

Now he wants to paint his toes orange and blue - for a more roosterly appearance. :D

back to the familiar

There are no seagrapes in Pennsylvania...just when I was about to change my name to Oaktree jam or something like that...I find myself back here in Florida. We've been back for two weeks now...


that is Snow and Maku...and three 10 year old girls in the water...can you spot them?

I miss my family in Pennsylvania. And this shady spot under my favorite tree where I spent many afternoons finding strength within myself in this journey of single mommyhood.

july

picking blueberries from the neighbor's garden

reading John Banville's The Sea

and a picture of a bus just because :)

some kind of normal. or not

i was happy to see jin and maku sewing again. this time with grandma's help.

and i am taking photographs again. and blogging. i should slow down, i might start eating again and gain back all the weight i lost so effortlessly ^.^ no wait, not to worry, i am not back to showering daily yet. ;)

a tango of confusion

Oh how our lives have changed! I go to work and the children go to summer camp. It was the second day of camp today and Maku was looking a little confused. He asked, "Mommy, everyone is dressed differently from yesterday. How am I suppose to remember who they are?"

We had a surprise visit last week. He rolled down some hills and away he went. Don't ask. He's just as confused as Maku was this morning.

here, but not really

lots of nieces, lots of fun
jin is spending her summer here
two more sisters coming to visit
and all I could think about is how much fun Dave will have rolling down this sloped yard
i wonder if the children are thinking the same thing

moving on...

Thanks to each and every one of you for all your support and advice. I started this blog last year as a place to jot down memories of my final year being an at-home mom, little did I know it would also be my last year of being a wife. Now it's best if I stop talking about this, last thing I need is for my happy little corner to turn into a divorce blog. :)
Tomorrow the children and I will be flying to Pennsylvania. We have plenty loved ones there ready to embrace us and offer us love and support in every way.
Today we say our goodbyes. And I just don't know how. How do you say goodbye to your favorite person in the world? How do you say goodbye to family? How do you pack away a lifetime of dreams, love and commitment in one single day?
Am I making any sense? yes? no? I better go, see you back here in a few days.

the three of us

finding a sense of peace and comfort in nature
those brief moments of joy
amidst our sorrow and grief